Regional News You Might Have Missed

News:

Judge Fined for Using Work Gavel on Test Your Strength Machine (Lincoln Herald)

Groundhog Day As Boring As Most Days (Grand Island Post)

Westside School System Found Using OPS Students as Batteries like in The Matrix (Omaha Tribune)

Mayor Posts Picture of “Homemade” Lasagna we ALL KNOW they Bought Frozen From the Store (The Southern Iowan)

North Dakota Pauses Plan to Clear Snowy Streets with Hot Fudge After Realizing Snow Doesn’t Even Taste Like Ice Cream at All. It Just Tastes Like Nothing. How Disappointing! (The Fargo Bugel)

I’m sorry everyone, I’m writing headlines while hungry and it’s impacting my work (ENSCSQ)


Opinions:

I’m so tired of all these lame "seasonal flavors." When is it gonna be fucking KitKat season?? (Omaha Times)

Shitty Governor Passes Shitty Bill to Get Press Coverage from Some Pieces of Shit (Utah News Stuff)