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Apologies

Hello,

I’m sorry for all that damage I caused while I thought I was in a time loop. In my defense, I truly thought that I was living the same day over and over again. Once I can get the money together, I’ll pay you all back for having to rebuild that school.

Sincerely,
Max

***

Hello,

I am sorry for not showing more humility and discretion after pulling that fire alarm.

What can I say? Emotions were high for everyone.

And sure, I started walking around with my hand held high so everyone could see where the dye packet exploded on my hand.

And yes, when Emily offered me hand sanitizer and it didn’t get the dye off my hands, I said, “Oh heavens me! When I pulled that fire alarm--alerting you all to the imminent and dangerous fire--I had no idea that I would be marked for life! What life is there left for me now? What woman would be able to look past this disfigurement to see my inner heroism?”

Did I pull a crying baby from its mother's arms and announce, “There’s no need to cry, for I have saved both you and your mother. No need to repay me. Just pay forward this kindness as you grow and help create a better future for your children”? Yes, I did. But only because it seemed like the sort of thing a hero would do.

But, through listening and reflection, I have realized that my histrionics were not what a hero would do. Apparently, they were what a “self-obsessed doofus” would do.

I promise to do better; to be more humble, to be more selfless, and to help others without asking for praise.

And in my defense, I grew up in a house without candles. So how was I supposed to know that a little fire on the end of some weird smelling stick isn’t a reason to pull a fire alarm? It was a fire! Inside! You’re welcome!

Best,
Nathan

***

Hello,

I’m sorry all the pictures I took at the Summer Solstice dinner were so blurry.

I knew I was focusing, who knew the camera wasn’t.

Best,
Zoah

***

Hello,

Shakespeare's plays were never meant to be studied or meticulously read, they were meant to be an experience. Something that would take you by the shoulders and shake you out of your shoes. Something that would grab you by the ear and refuse to let go no matter how much you begged. Turns out my dog had a lot more in common with Shakespeare than initially thought.

Anyone who was directly impacted by Roxy’s action, please reach out and I will bring over some fresh apology tomatoes. She’s come back from obedience school now and shouldn’t be a problem anymore.

Best,
Sam

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  • This Shouldn't Have Happened
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    • Fake Flyers
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    • March 7th, 2024
    • Do You Poke Smot?
    • Public Art #2
    • September 30th, 2023
    • Pictures of the Ground
  • Winter 2024 (Letters)
    • A Form Letter for Newspapers
    • A Form Letter for Art Museums
    • A Form Letter for Film Critics
    • A Form Letter for College Professors
    • Horny Copypasta to Text People on Arbor Day
    • 20 Wonderful Messages to Write Inside a Card
  • Fall 2023 (Poetry)
    • Adrianne Lenker from the band Big Thief visits Nebraska for the Maha Music Festival
    • Three Poems That Were Written on the Same Day
    • The Silver Dollar Flapjacks of Poetry
    • Regular and Irregular Meter
    • A Question
    • Business Poetry
    • Regional News Formatted Poetically
    • The Mental Health Awareness Decade
    • A Text Exchange in Which a Secret is Revealed
    • Maybe the Closest I Have Come to Writing a Perfect Poem
    • Three Poems
    • A Series of Thoughts I Had While Watching All That Jazz
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  • Spring 2023
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    • Instructions for a Good Time Pt. 2
    • Romantic Texts to Send Anyone at Any Time
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  • Winter 2023
    • General News
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    • Best of 2022
    • Opinion: On AI Generated Art
  • Fall 2022
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      • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
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    • General News
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
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  • Winter 2022
    • General News
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
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    • Style Tips
    • On New Years and New Resolutions
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  • Fall 2021
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Halloween Stories for Pacifists
    • How to Avoid Talking about Sports
    • Icebreaker Questions
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  • Summer 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Apologies
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • New Rules for the Monthly Open Mics
    • A Recipe for Fruit Pizza that Can Save a Relationship
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