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Spring 2022

Community Postings

From: Debbiesdanceclasses.org
To: Dance lovers

DANCING LESSONS! Learn geography, algebra, and sign language all while zumbaing your ass off!!

***


From: Whitney from the Hospitality Team
To: Omaha Alumni

A Note About the Juneteenth Potluck: While we encourage people to bring homemade food, I have unilaterally decided to make an exception for any visiting alumni from Omaha who have access to Jacobo’s Salsa. THIS OFFER DOES NOT EXTEND TO OTHER STORE BOUGHT SALSAS! I will throw a jar of Pace Picante through your shitting windshield. Do you hear me?

***

From: Dave
To: The New York Times 

Don’t call me an enigma. I am not an enigma. I AM DAVE! D.A.V.E. Shoot water into your butts on your own time!

***

From: Janet
To: William

Yes, I said “De Stijl my beating heart.” But I know now that what I did was wrong and I promise not to say dorky shit like that anymore. Please take me back. You’re the love of my life. Maybe we could just go to art museums separately?

***

From: Guy M.
To: Single Women in Lincoln

Are you a chill, single woman in Lincoln who just wants a sweet, kind guy to get high with and wander through a Walgreens? Then do I have the rock pianist for you!

***

From: The Millard North High School Forensics Department
To: Adults with forensics experience

Wanted: High school competitive speech judge. Must be intelligent, good with teenagers, and horny for public school teachers in autumnal cardigans. 

***

From: Hank G.
To: Scientists

If dinosaurs had developed enough to open their own Walgreens, do you think we would have found those by now? Or is that just another of the many questions we are stuck waiting around for science to answer? 

***

From: Cheese Trick
To: Cheese Lovers

Cheese Trick: A new Midwestern rock and roll cheese shop. 
Cheese Trick, Where We Want You to Want Cheese. 
2424 Wendy Dr., Bellevue, NE

***

From: The East Nebraska Secret Commune Library Programming Committee
To: Single Folks

We have started a new, weekly dating event. We are calling it:
It takes two to Pass-Go: A Singles Board Game Nights. (Multipurpose Room, Mondays at 8pm)

***

From: Debra R. 
To: Ezra

I figured out what you should do for that big dramatic moment in your play! Check this out: 

Daniel: What are you doing in the study, Elizabeth? 
Elizabeth: Well, Daniel, I could ask you the very same question. 
Daniel: Well go on then. 
Elizabeth: What are you doing in the study, Daniel?
Daniel: Well, Elizabeth, I could ask you the very same question. 
Elizabeth: Oh, how I do love our nightly chats. 
Daniel: I couldn’t agree more! 
Pause. 
Daniel: Alright, now back to the dungeon with you!
Elizabeth: Daniel! You old so and so!

***


From: Nathan S.
To: Publishers who want to make a lot of $$$$$$$$$

Here’s my pitch: I’ll write a book of poetry and call it “Inspirational Poems for Graduations and Teen Birthdays.” So grandparents at Target will buy it. But then all of the poems are about weed. So the teens are like, “This dude rocks!” Everyone’s happy. And we fight opioids, I guess. So it’s tax deductible. 

***


Monthly Roundtable Discussions (Second Tuesday at 8pm):
Beat around the tush: avoiding the pitfalls of wishy-washy sadomasochism (June)
Fractions speak louder than words: using math to communicate across a partisan divide (July)
Call it a Neigh: Should we let horses name themselves? (August)

Summer Double Features 
This year’s theme: Schools Out for Summer 
(8pm with a thirty minute intermission)
June 11th: Mean Girls (2004) / Dope (2015)
June 18th: School of Rock (2003) / Rock and Roll High School (1979)
June 25th: Booksmart (2019) / Rushmore (1998) 
July 2nd: My Sex Life…Or How I Got into An Argument (1996) / Nocturama (2016) 
July 9th: Scream (1996) / The Virgin Suicides (1993)

Copyright © 2015
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    • Do You Poke Smot?
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    • Horny Copypasta to Text People on Arbor Day
    • 20 Wonderful Messages to Write Inside a Card
  • Fall 2023 (Poetry)
    • Adrianne Lenker from the band Big Thief visits Nebraska for the Maha Music Festival
    • Three Poems That Were Written on the Same Day
    • The Silver Dollar Flapjacks of Poetry
    • Regular and Irregular Meter
    • A Question
    • Business Poetry
    • Regional News Formatted Poetically
    • The Mental Health Awareness Decade
    • A Text Exchange in Which a Secret is Revealed
    • Maybe the Closest I Have Come to Writing a Perfect Poem
    • Three Poems
    • A Series of Thoughts I Had While Watching All That Jazz
  • Summer 2023
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • How to Scare Your Friends Through the Mail
    • Genital-less Images
  • Spring 2023
    • General News
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    • Poems
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • Instructions for a Good Time Pt. 2
    • Romantic Texts to Send Anyone at Any Time
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
  • Winter 2023
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Best of 2022
    • Opinion: On AI Generated Art
  • Fall 2022
    • General News
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    • Poems
    • Creative Possum Names
    • The Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Zine/Challenge
    • Found Fiction
  • Summer 2022
    • Spring 2022 >
      • General News - Spring 2022
      • Community Postings
      • Editorial: On Arming Teachers and Watching Movies
      • Regional News You Might Have Missed
      • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
      • Well, We Asked
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    • General News
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    • Instructions for a Good Time
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
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  • Winter 2022
    • General News
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
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    • Style Tips
    • On New Years and New Resolutions
    • Children's Corner
    • A Quick Questions
  • Fall 2021
    • General News
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Halloween Stories for Pacifists
    • How to Avoid Talking about Sports
    • Icebreaker Questions
    • Regional News
  • Summer 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Apologies
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • New Rules for the Monthly Open Mics
    • A Recipe for Fruit Pizza that Can Save a Relationship
  • About
  • Home
  • Sampler
  • Spring 2025
    • Question 1
    • Question 2
    • Question 3
    • Question 4
    • Question 5
    • Question 6
    • Question 7
    • An Aperitif
    • Printable Zine
  • Winter 2025
  • Fall 2024
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Business Man Dan
    • On Lying to Yourself
    • Movie Idea No. #3
    • Movie Idea No. #4
    • Movie Idea No. #7
  • This Shouldn't Have Happened
  • Spring 2024 (Photography)
    • Gaps Between Buildings
    • January 6th, 2024
    • Fake Flyers
    • Public Art #1
    • Signs
    • March 7th, 2024
    • Do You Poke Smot?
    • Public Art #2
    • September 30th, 2023
    • Pictures of the Ground
  • Winter 2024 (Letters)
    • A Form Letter for Newspapers
    • A Form Letter for Art Museums
    • A Form Letter for Film Critics
    • A Form Letter for College Professors
    • Horny Copypasta to Text People on Arbor Day
    • 20 Wonderful Messages to Write Inside a Card
  • Fall 2023 (Poetry)
    • Adrianne Lenker from the band Big Thief visits Nebraska for the Maha Music Festival
    • Three Poems That Were Written on the Same Day
    • The Silver Dollar Flapjacks of Poetry
    • Regular and Irregular Meter
    • A Question
    • Business Poetry
    • Regional News Formatted Poetically
    • The Mental Health Awareness Decade
    • A Text Exchange in Which a Secret is Revealed
    • Maybe the Closest I Have Come to Writing a Perfect Poem
    • Three Poems
    • A Series of Thoughts I Had While Watching All That Jazz
  • Summer 2023
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • How to Scare Your Friends Through the Mail
    • Genital-less Images
  • Spring 2023
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • Instructions for a Good Time Pt. 2
    • Romantic Texts to Send Anyone at Any Time
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
  • Winter 2023
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Best of 2022
    • Opinion: On AI Generated Art
  • Fall 2022
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Creative Possum Names
    • The Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Zine/Challenge
    • Found Fiction
  • Summer 2022
    • Spring 2022 >
      • General News - Spring 2022
      • Community Postings
      • Editorial: On Arming Teachers and Watching Movies
      • Regional News You Might Have Missed
      • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
      • Well, We Asked
      • Poems
      • Social Skills for Young Children
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Instructions for a Good Time
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
    • Dating App Pics
    • Editorial: On the Fourth of July
  • Winter 2022
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • Style Tips
    • On New Years and New Resolutions
    • Children's Corner
    • A Quick Questions
  • Fall 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Halloween Stories for Pacifists
    • How to Avoid Talking about Sports
    • Icebreaker Questions
    • Regional News
  • Summer 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Apologies
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • New Rules for the Monthly Open Mics
    • A Recipe for Fruit Pizza that Can Save a Relationship
  • About