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Summer 2022

Dating App Pics

The most common mistake people make when creating a dating app profile is choosing pictures that do not show off their personality. Even if the most physically flattering options are bathroom mirror selfies and drunken group photos, you are more likely to stand out from the crowd (and find someone you really connect with!) if your pictures give people a good idea of who you are. So here are some ways to incorporate your personality into a picture that might just help you find the one:

  • Love old movies? Paint yourself and all of your possessions black and white.
  • Don’t just say that you are a foodie! Use a picture of you needing bread (as in: hungry for bread).
  • Naked sushi bars are so gauche. You’re not some hi-falutin type. Try a naked walking taco bar. 
  • Ask a friend to take a candid pic while you are doing what you do best: embezzling.
  • Love plays and musicals? Take a picture of a theater audience shouting, “Sit down and turn the fucking flash off, you jerk. I’m trying to see whether that singing Shrek can learn the value of friendship.”
  • Use peeps to set up a diorama of you doing your favorite hobby: mansplaining to waterfowl.
  • Wanna look creative? Hold a saxophone. 
  • Wanna look strong? Hold a saxophonist. 
  • Wanna look smart? Hold a philosophical conversation. 
  • Wanna look stoned? Hold a philosophical conversation with a saxophonist. 
  • Wanna look judgemental? Make jokes about saxophonists even though you gave up on the instrument when you saw how much work it would really take to get good at it. 
  • Outdoorsy? Like to hike? Lay one boob on a trail map.
  • Knit? Crochet? Sew? Take a picture with one of your creations. But maybe spice it up a bit by adding curse words or weed or something. 
  • Sometimes, an image only tells half the story. But, that can be a blessing in disguise. They don’t need to know it is a soup smock. The stains make you look like a painter. Lean into it. 
  • Always remember the physical constraints of the art form. That vampire isn’t going to show up in the picture, so you’ll just look like any old hunting Abraham Lincoln. You need to pull out the old body paints or pour soup on them or something. 
  • Stack all your books next to you for a full body photo. This is a chance for nerds to show off their prized possessions like a modern day pharaoh (if he had access to used book stores and Barnes and Nobles gift cards from his grandparents). 

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  • Home
  • Fall 2022
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Creative Possum Names
    • The Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Zine/Challenge
    • Found Fiction
  • Summer 2022
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Instructions for a Good Time
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
    • Dating App Pics
    • Editorial: On the Fourth of July
  • Spring 2022
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    • Editorial: On Arming Teachers and Watching Movies
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Well, We Asked
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  • Winter 2022
    • General News
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • Style Tips
    • On New Years and New Resolutions
    • Children's Corner
    • A Quick Questions
  • Fall 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Halloween Stories for Pacifists
    • How to Avoid Talking about Sports
    • Icebreaker Questions
    • Regional News
  • Summer 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Apologies
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • New Rules for the Monthly Open Mics
    • A Recipe for Fruit Pizza that Can Save a Relationship
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