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Winter 2022

Community Postings

From: Audie
To: Kind, single men

Looking for a late night companion (*wink*). I don't talk in my sleep. Or snore. Or have weird dreams or anything like that. Just the sleep punching. Is that really so hard to deal with?

***
From: David S. 
To: Everyone

People say “Punk saved my life.” Not me. In fact, I was drowning once and Punk didn’t do a goddamn thing. So Punk isn’t as cool as everybody says. If you’re drowning, you’re gonna want a competent lifeguard. A competent lifeguard saved my life. Joey Ramone can huff my fucking shorts.

***
From: John A. Kindman Funeral Home
To: Everyone

Running an independent mortuary is a serious undertaking.
That’s a joke. But for real, we can bury your dead dad if you want. 

***
From: Fred M. 
To: Wilson

Do you need your parking validated? Well good job parking. Congratulations on that parking job. But next time, try looking inside yourself for validation. When you ask me to do all the emotional labor in this relationship, you turn me into a parent rather than a partner... unless that's what you wanted this whole time you kinky fuck.

***
From: Eldger’s Manure
To: Farmers looking for a higher yield

Don't get your shit together. Spread it liberally around your field to increase crop yield. Eldger’s Manure 402-555-6742

***
From: Greg
To: Scientists

What is the number of donuts I could keep in a winter coat before it gets weird? Is it 8?

***
From: Richard, Todd, and Chad
To: Jeff, his friends, and his family

For the record, we know that we give Jeff Eldger a lot of shit; but that’s only because his dad needs it for their family manure business. 

***
From: Tim
To: Miranda

That’s not a knife. This is a knife. That is a knight. And he’s coming right for us. Oh no!


***
From: Jack
To: The troublemakers at our monthly open mics

I don't want to fight. Can't you just do whatever I want with no push-back?

***

Calendar Updates:
Monthly Roundtable Discussions (Second Tuesday at 8pm):

Get a Tomb: Erotics in funerary art (March)
A Room for One’s Phone: The rise and fall of phone booths (April)
Exile in Tie-skills: Old fashioned ropes and knots for a new rock ‘n’ roll generation (May)

Halloween in April Movie Spectacular

This year's theme is A Vampire Weekend
Friday 4/15: Dracula (1931), 7pm & A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014), 9pm
Saturday 4/16: Black Sunday (1960), 7pm & Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), 9pm
Sunday 4/17: Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971), 7pm & Irma Vep (1996), 9pm


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  • Summer 2021
    • General News
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    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • New Rules for the Monthly Open Mics
    • A Recipe for Fruit Pizza that Can Save a Relationship
  • About
  • Home
  • Fall 2022
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Creative Possum Names
    • The Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Zine/Challenge
    • Found Fiction
  • Summer 2022
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Instructions for a Good Time
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
    • Dating App Pics
    • Editorial: On the Fourth of July
  • Spring 2022
    • General News - Spring 2022
    • Community Postings
    • Editorial: On Arming Teachers and Watching Movies
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Well, We Asked
    • Poems
    • Social Skills for Young Children
  • Winter 2022
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Poems
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • Style Tips
    • On New Years and New Resolutions
    • Children's Corner
    • A Quick Questions
  • Fall 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Halloween Stories for Pacifists
    • How to Avoid Talking about Sports
    • Icebreaker Questions
    • Regional News
  • Summer 2021
    • General News
    • Community Postings
    • Poems
    • Apologies
    • A Letter from the Secluded Sisters of the Missouri Valley
    • Regional News You Might Have Missed
    • New Rules for the Monthly Open Mics
    • A Recipe for Fruit Pizza that Can Save a Relationship
  • About