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How to Avoid Talking about Sports
This fall, I noticed that about half of the people in Eastie cared very passionately about the progress of the Nebraska Huskers football team. The other half of us are--hypothetically--the kind of people who hoped they wouldn’t have to give a shit about football once we moved to a commune. So, for anyone who wants to avoid any future sports discussions, I have provided some workbook scripts below to guide you
Option 1: Get Political
A: What did you think of the game last night?
B: You mean the game those clowns in Washington are playing? Don’t get me started! Though my opinions are controversial, they are also lengthy and tedious.
Option 2: The Appointment
A: Do you think the Huskers will be able to succeed in tonight's game?
B: Wait, if the game is tonight, does that mean it is already Thursday?
A: No, it is Saturday.
B: Then I need to pick someone up at the airport right now. (run away)
Option 3: Confusion
A: Do you want to come over and watch the Husker Game tonight?
B: They still have football? Didn’t they just have football last year?
A: They have football every year.
B: Big mistake.
Option 4: Get Dramatic
A: Can you believe the end of that game last night?
B: Is that all you have to say to me? After everything that happened between us? After Veronica?
A: What do you mean?
B: Ughh, that’s just so like you!
Option 5: The Snob
A: Are you going to watch the game tonight?
B: Gross.
A: So what are your plans for tonight?
B: To truly live.
Option 6: Reverse Snob
A: Are you going to watch the game tonight?
B: Gross. I don’t watch documentaries. So boring.
A: Football isn’t a documentary.
B: So you’re telling me those games are scripted?
Option 7: Conflict of Interests
A: Would you like to come over and watch the Husker game tonight?
B: Sorry, I’m dating the Minnesota Golden Gopher and he gets jealous if I watch other teams.
A: That sounds pretty controlling.
B: You just don’t know him like I do! Plus, the sex is fantastic.
A: Well how do you think Minnesota is going to do today?
B: I really can’t say. That might count as insider trading and I’d never forgive myself if I got you in trouble with the SEC.
Option 8: The Moralist
A: Which high school student do you think our football team should recruit?
B: I don’t think school students should be getting high. I’m not opposed to responsible recreational drug use in adults, but I worry that it will impact brain development in children.
A: That’s not what I meant and I think you know that.
B: Although, I bet playing football causes more brain damage than smoking pot.
Option 1: Get Political
A: What did you think of the game last night?
B: You mean the game those clowns in Washington are playing? Don’t get me started! Though my opinions are controversial, they are also lengthy and tedious.
Option 2: The Appointment
A: Do you think the Huskers will be able to succeed in tonight's game?
B: Wait, if the game is tonight, does that mean it is already Thursday?
A: No, it is Saturday.
B: Then I need to pick someone up at the airport right now. (run away)
Option 3: Confusion
A: Do you want to come over and watch the Husker Game tonight?
B: They still have football? Didn’t they just have football last year?
A: They have football every year.
B: Big mistake.
Option 4: Get Dramatic
A: Can you believe the end of that game last night?
B: Is that all you have to say to me? After everything that happened between us? After Veronica?
A: What do you mean?
B: Ughh, that’s just so like you!
Option 5: The Snob
A: Are you going to watch the game tonight?
B: Gross.
A: So what are your plans for tonight?
B: To truly live.
Option 6: Reverse Snob
A: Are you going to watch the game tonight?
B: Gross. I don’t watch documentaries. So boring.
A: Football isn’t a documentary.
B: So you’re telling me those games are scripted?
Option 7: Conflict of Interests
A: Would you like to come over and watch the Husker game tonight?
B: Sorry, I’m dating the Minnesota Golden Gopher and he gets jealous if I watch other teams.
A: That sounds pretty controlling.
B: You just don’t know him like I do! Plus, the sex is fantastic.
A: Well how do you think Minnesota is going to do today?
B: I really can’t say. That might count as insider trading and I’d never forgive myself if I got you in trouble with the SEC.
Option 8: The Moralist
A: Which high school student do you think our football team should recruit?
B: I don’t think school students should be getting high. I’m not opposed to responsible recreational drug use in adults, but I worry that it will impact brain development in children.
A: That’s not what I meant and I think you know that.
B: Although, I bet playing football causes more brain damage than smoking pot.
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