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fall 2022
Community Postings
***OFFICIAL BUSINESS AT THE BOTTOM***
From: George
To: Anyone who doesn’t live in Grand Island.
My name is George. But you can call me Spicy Lightning. Because we'll probably never meet. So what you call me doesn't matter as much.
***
From: Hank G.
To: Scientists
How do we know the wind is blowing and not sucking?
***
From: Fancy Pants in Omaha
To: The Stylish and Adventurous!
Jump! Suits for sale! Red! Yellow! Blue! Tie-dye! Get excited! I’m excited! Look at me! I’m exclaiming everything I say! Out of excitement!
***
From: Your Fucking Friends
To: David
Yes, David. We agree that shirt is a little long on you. So fucking tuck it in! Stop going up to more and more people and asking them about it before doing some silly little twisty-turn to make it blouse. What do you think you are proving?
***
From: William’s Wipers and Wiper Fluid
To: Car-Lovers (non-sexual)
If your car could talk, what windshield wipers do you think it would ask for?
Me? I bet it can't talk. I've never seen one talk before.
It’s that kind of direct car experience that makes me great at making windshield wipers.
***
From: Fancy Pants in Omaha
To: The Stylish and Adventurous!
I sent in my Community Posting on my phone and I am starting to worry that it said “Jump! Suits for sale.” I wanted to say that we are selling jumpsuits. We don’t have any real suits. So please just make sure it says Jumpsuits For Sale and then confirm with me that that change has been made. Thank you so much!
***
From: Wilhelm P. II
To: Wilhelm P. III
Look out over the horizon. Do you see the beauty of the sun slowly setting only for the once hiding noon to take it's rightful place? So beautiful, no? So then why won't you take over my plumbing empire, you punk!?
***
From: Jon
To: My wonderful and loving girlfriend
You have to train for a marathon don't you? So no! I'm not just going to "go ahead and start the fucking movie already." You need to learn about the history of Smaug.
***
From: Fancy Pants in Omaha
To: The Stylish and Adventurous!
Hi, I just got a confirmation email thanking me for submitting another posting for the Quarterly. Please confirm that this will just be one posting that says: “Jumpsuits for sale! Red! Yellow! Blue! Tie-dye! Get excited! I’m excited! Look at me! I’m exclaiming everything I say! Out of excitement!” I know that everything is probably under control and I’m probably worrying over nothing; it would just help me sleep a lot easier if you could get me that confirmation. Thank you so much for all of your help!
***
From: Nathan
To: The Big Pile of Lazy Dorks at the Omaha World Herald and the Lincoln Journal Star!
The Omaha World Herald and Lincoln Journal Star carry some of the exact same articles. As if they don’t KNOW that there are writers out here looking for material! Get your acts together!
***
Upcoming events
Monthly Roundtable Discussions (Second Tuesday at 8pm):
Cold Cold Cold Movies
(Double features start at 7pm with a thirty minute intermission)
Dec. 10
The Thing
The Shining
Dec. 24
Thelma
Happiest Season
Jan. 7
On the Beach at Night Alone
Sleepless in Seattle
Jan. 21
Certain Women
Dekalog Parts 1, 2, and 3
Feb. 4
Hustlers
Little Women
Feb. 18
I’m Thinking of Ending Things
The Daytrippers
From: George
To: Anyone who doesn’t live in Grand Island.
My name is George. But you can call me Spicy Lightning. Because we'll probably never meet. So what you call me doesn't matter as much.
***
From: Hank G.
To: Scientists
How do we know the wind is blowing and not sucking?
***
From: Fancy Pants in Omaha
To: The Stylish and Adventurous!
Jump! Suits for sale! Red! Yellow! Blue! Tie-dye! Get excited! I’m excited! Look at me! I’m exclaiming everything I say! Out of excitement!
***
From: Your Fucking Friends
To: David
Yes, David. We agree that shirt is a little long on you. So fucking tuck it in! Stop going up to more and more people and asking them about it before doing some silly little twisty-turn to make it blouse. What do you think you are proving?
***
From: William’s Wipers and Wiper Fluid
To: Car-Lovers (non-sexual)
If your car could talk, what windshield wipers do you think it would ask for?
Me? I bet it can't talk. I've never seen one talk before.
It’s that kind of direct car experience that makes me great at making windshield wipers.
***
From: Fancy Pants in Omaha
To: The Stylish and Adventurous!
I sent in my Community Posting on my phone and I am starting to worry that it said “Jump! Suits for sale.” I wanted to say that we are selling jumpsuits. We don’t have any real suits. So please just make sure it says Jumpsuits For Sale and then confirm with me that that change has been made. Thank you so much!
***
From: Wilhelm P. II
To: Wilhelm P. III
Look out over the horizon. Do you see the beauty of the sun slowly setting only for the once hiding noon to take it's rightful place? So beautiful, no? So then why won't you take over my plumbing empire, you punk!?
***
From: Jon
To: My wonderful and loving girlfriend
You have to train for a marathon don't you? So no! I'm not just going to "go ahead and start the fucking movie already." You need to learn about the history of Smaug.
***
From: Fancy Pants in Omaha
To: The Stylish and Adventurous!
Hi, I just got a confirmation email thanking me for submitting another posting for the Quarterly. Please confirm that this will just be one posting that says: “Jumpsuits for sale! Red! Yellow! Blue! Tie-dye! Get excited! I’m excited! Look at me! I’m exclaiming everything I say! Out of excitement!” I know that everything is probably under control and I’m probably worrying over nothing; it would just help me sleep a lot easier if you could get me that confirmation. Thank you so much for all of your help!
***
From: Nathan
To: The Big Pile of Lazy Dorks at the Omaha World Herald and the Lincoln Journal Star!
The Omaha World Herald and Lincoln Journal Star carry some of the exact same articles. As if they don’t KNOW that there are writers out here looking for material! Get your acts together!
***
Upcoming events
Monthly Roundtable Discussions (Second Tuesday at 8pm):
- A Smokin' of My Appreciation: Gift Giving in a Weed-Friendly World (Dec.)
- Late Night Pasta: I Only Love My Bed and Mafalde, I'm Sorry. (Jan.)
- Come Rain on Cum Time: The Effects of Climate Change on Public Sex (Feb.)
Cold Cold Cold Movies
(Double features start at 7pm with a thirty minute intermission)
Dec. 10
The Thing
The Shining
Dec. 24
Thelma
Happiest Season
Jan. 7
On the Beach at Night Alone
Sleepless in Seattle
Jan. 21
Certain Women
Dekalog Parts 1, 2, and 3
Feb. 4
Hustlers
Little Women
Feb. 18
I’m Thinking of Ending Things
The Daytrippers
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