Menu
Winter 2022
Community Postings
From: Audie
To: Kind, single men
Looking for a late night companion (*wink*). I don't talk in my sleep. Or snore. Or have weird dreams or anything like that. Just the sleep punching. Is that really so hard to deal with?
***
From: David S.
To: Everyone
People say “Punk saved my life.” Not me. In fact, I was drowning once and Punk didn’t do a goddamn thing. So Punk isn’t as cool as everybody says. If you’re drowning, you’re gonna want a competent lifeguard. A competent lifeguard saved my life. Joey Ramone can huff my fucking shorts.
***
From: John A. Kindman Funeral Home
To: Everyone
Running an independent mortuary is a serious undertaking.
That’s a joke. But for real, we can bury your dead dad if you want.
***
From: Fred M.
To: Wilson
Do you need your parking validated? Well good job parking. Congratulations on that parking job. But next time, try looking inside yourself for validation. When you ask me to do all the emotional labor in this relationship, you turn me into a parent rather than a partner... unless that's what you wanted this whole time you kinky fuck.
***
From: Eldger’s Manure
To: Farmers looking for a higher yield
Don't get your shit together. Spread it liberally around your field to increase crop yield. Eldger’s Manure 402-555-6742
***
From: Greg
To: Scientists
What is the number of donuts I could keep in a winter coat before it gets weird? Is it 8?
***
From: Richard, Todd, and Chad
To: Jeff, his friends, and his family
For the record, we know that we give Jeff Eldger a lot of shit; but that’s only because his dad needs it for their family manure business.
***
From: Tim
To: Miranda
That’s not a knife. This is a knife. That is a knight. And he’s coming right for us. Oh no!
***
From: Jack
To: The troublemakers at our monthly open mics
I don't want to fight. Can't you just do whatever I want with no push-back?
***
Calendar Updates:
Monthly Roundtable Discussions (Second Tuesday at 8pm):
Get a Tomb: Erotics in funerary art (March)
A Room for One’s Phone: The rise and fall of phone booths (April)
Exile in Tie-skills: Old fashioned ropes and knots for a new rock ‘n’ roll generation (May)
Halloween in April Movie Spectacular
This year's theme is A Vampire Weekend
Friday 4/15: Dracula (1931), 7pm & A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014), 9pm
Saturday 4/16: Black Sunday (1960), 7pm & Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), 9pm
Sunday 4/17: Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971), 7pm & Irma Vep (1996), 9pm
To: Kind, single men
Looking for a late night companion (*wink*). I don't talk in my sleep. Or snore. Or have weird dreams or anything like that. Just the sleep punching. Is that really so hard to deal with?
***
From: David S.
To: Everyone
People say “Punk saved my life.” Not me. In fact, I was drowning once and Punk didn’t do a goddamn thing. So Punk isn’t as cool as everybody says. If you’re drowning, you’re gonna want a competent lifeguard. A competent lifeguard saved my life. Joey Ramone can huff my fucking shorts.
***
From: John A. Kindman Funeral Home
To: Everyone
Running an independent mortuary is a serious undertaking.
That’s a joke. But for real, we can bury your dead dad if you want.
***
From: Fred M.
To: Wilson
Do you need your parking validated? Well good job parking. Congratulations on that parking job. But next time, try looking inside yourself for validation. When you ask me to do all the emotional labor in this relationship, you turn me into a parent rather than a partner... unless that's what you wanted this whole time you kinky fuck.
***
From: Eldger’s Manure
To: Farmers looking for a higher yield
Don't get your shit together. Spread it liberally around your field to increase crop yield. Eldger’s Manure 402-555-6742
***
From: Greg
To: Scientists
What is the number of donuts I could keep in a winter coat before it gets weird? Is it 8?
***
From: Richard, Todd, and Chad
To: Jeff, his friends, and his family
For the record, we know that we give Jeff Eldger a lot of shit; but that’s only because his dad needs it for their family manure business.
***
From: Tim
To: Miranda
That’s not a knife. This is a knife. That is a knight. And he’s coming right for us. Oh no!
***
From: Jack
To: The troublemakers at our monthly open mics
I don't want to fight. Can't you just do whatever I want with no push-back?
***
Calendar Updates:
Monthly Roundtable Discussions (Second Tuesday at 8pm):
Get a Tomb: Erotics in funerary art (March)
A Room for One’s Phone: The rise and fall of phone booths (April)
Exile in Tie-skills: Old fashioned ropes and knots for a new rock ‘n’ roll generation (May)
Halloween in April Movie Spectacular
This year's theme is A Vampire Weekend
Friday 4/15: Dracula (1931), 7pm & A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014), 9pm
Saturday 4/16: Black Sunday (1960), 7pm & Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), 9pm
Sunday 4/17: Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971), 7pm & Irma Vep (1996), 9pm
If you would like someone to let you know when a new edition of the East Nebraska Secret Commune Social Quarterly is available, click here and we can help you out.
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