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Winter 2023
Community Postings
***OFFICIAL BUSINESS AT THE BOTTOM***
From: David’s friends
To: David
David, stop saying "Does my apartment smell weird? Or is that just how it's supposed to smell after you make tater tot tacos?" We get it! You have a sense of culinary whimsy. But if they're really that good, why does your apartment smell so fucking weird?
***
From: Hank G
To: Scientists
If birds are related by dinosaurs, does that mean they shouldn't like kiss and stuff? Because then this graphic novel I'm working on is gonna be all shot to shit.
***
From: Naomi
To: Adam
Hey, I want coffee. Do you want coffee? Or are you one of those guys who insists on having his own wants and desires?
***
From: Pete and Tina
To: Alex and Alix
Woot woot you sexy ass owls!
***
From: Davidson’s Auto Repair
To: Cool people with cool cars who don’t want to be taken for chumps
Slow and steady wins the race? Yeah, the slow and steady race. But who even watches slow and steady races in the first place? Not me! I'm never going down to the bar on a Friday night to watch the slow and steady race. I'm never betting money on who's gonna finish first in the slow and steady race. You know what I like? Fast Things! Speedy. Quick. Zooming right past you. So why are you spending so much money on breaks? You didn’t buy a car for it to sit still! At Davidson’s Auto Repair, we’ll put your money where it’ll do the most good: bigger faster wheels to make your neighbors jealous and horny as hell.
***
From:
To:
I have decided to run a Marathon Gyros and Kabobs into the fucking ground. Just try to stop me!
***
From: Wilson Amblers
To: Job Hunters
Looking for someone to feed my fish. Customer service experience desired, but not required. Will pay in professional experience.
***
From: A normal human person with no ties to the Sprite soda brand
To: Lovers of Lime Refreshment and the Band Scorpion
Here I am! Rock me like a lymonade!
***
From: Elizabeth Mundays
To: All of the hardworking geniuses at the East Nebraska Secret Commune Social Quarterly
Hello! I just want to thank everyone who works on the Secret Commune Social Quarterly for all of the effort you put into turning out such an incredible product. My husband and I have really enjoyed it! And we need laughs now more than ever. When the doctor said it was cancer, I didn't believe it. It sounds like the sort of thing that happens to other people. Then with Sansa away at college, it really was just me doing all the nursing, all the caring, all the crying. But we're both so happy for Sansa. She got into a pre-law tract that is trying to look at environmental science as a humanity. We're not sure what that means, but she has wanted to work for the NRDC since she was 15. When I was 15, I framed a girl for perjury so I could get out of a Spanish test. So to see this kind of purpose and empathy so young, it was one of the great joys of my life. And even though we don't live in the same state anymore and I don't get to watch as she forges a life for herself in this beautiful and terrifying world, I always know that she will be alright. Because wherever she is, I know she's reading the East Nebraska Secret Commune Social Quarterly.
***
From: Carolina
To: Fred F.
Do you ever get tired of tearing people down? Because I don't. But I have a cardio routine like you wouldn't believe. I can be mean all day long. So if you really want me to come to your choir's “winter celebration,” don't act like you didn't know what to expect.
Upcoming events
Monthly Roundtables (Second Tuesday at 8pm):
Sunday Matinee Movies for Women’s History Month (2pm)
Jennifer’s Body (March 5th)
Marie Antoinette (March 12th)
White Material (March 19th)
The Old Guard (March 26th)
From: David’s friends
To: David
David, stop saying "Does my apartment smell weird? Or is that just how it's supposed to smell after you make tater tot tacos?" We get it! You have a sense of culinary whimsy. But if they're really that good, why does your apartment smell so fucking weird?
***
From: Hank G
To: Scientists
If birds are related by dinosaurs, does that mean they shouldn't like kiss and stuff? Because then this graphic novel I'm working on is gonna be all shot to shit.
***
From: Naomi
To: Adam
Hey, I want coffee. Do you want coffee? Or are you one of those guys who insists on having his own wants and desires?
***
From: Pete and Tina
To: Alex and Alix
Woot woot you sexy ass owls!
***
From: Davidson’s Auto Repair
To: Cool people with cool cars who don’t want to be taken for chumps
Slow and steady wins the race? Yeah, the slow and steady race. But who even watches slow and steady races in the first place? Not me! I'm never going down to the bar on a Friday night to watch the slow and steady race. I'm never betting money on who's gonna finish first in the slow and steady race. You know what I like? Fast Things! Speedy. Quick. Zooming right past you. So why are you spending so much money on breaks? You didn’t buy a car for it to sit still! At Davidson’s Auto Repair, we’ll put your money where it’ll do the most good: bigger faster wheels to make your neighbors jealous and horny as hell.
***
From:
To:
I have decided to run a Marathon Gyros and Kabobs into the fucking ground. Just try to stop me!
***
From: Wilson Amblers
To: Job Hunters
Looking for someone to feed my fish. Customer service experience desired, but not required. Will pay in professional experience.
***
From: A normal human person with no ties to the Sprite soda brand
To: Lovers of Lime Refreshment and the Band Scorpion
Here I am! Rock me like a lymonade!
***
From: Elizabeth Mundays
To: All of the hardworking geniuses at the East Nebraska Secret Commune Social Quarterly
Hello! I just want to thank everyone who works on the Secret Commune Social Quarterly for all of the effort you put into turning out such an incredible product. My husband and I have really enjoyed it! And we need laughs now more than ever. When the doctor said it was cancer, I didn't believe it. It sounds like the sort of thing that happens to other people. Then with Sansa away at college, it really was just me doing all the nursing, all the caring, all the crying. But we're both so happy for Sansa. She got into a pre-law tract that is trying to look at environmental science as a humanity. We're not sure what that means, but she has wanted to work for the NRDC since she was 15. When I was 15, I framed a girl for perjury so I could get out of a Spanish test. So to see this kind of purpose and empathy so young, it was one of the great joys of my life. And even though we don't live in the same state anymore and I don't get to watch as she forges a life for herself in this beautiful and terrifying world, I always know that she will be alright. Because wherever she is, I know she's reading the East Nebraska Secret Commune Social Quarterly.
***
From: Carolina
To: Fred F.
Do you ever get tired of tearing people down? Because I don't. But I have a cardio routine like you wouldn't believe. I can be mean all day long. So if you really want me to come to your choir's “winter celebration,” don't act like you didn't know what to expect.
Upcoming events
Monthly Roundtables (Second Tuesday at 8pm):
- A chip off the old clock: Fixing damaged clocks for butterfingers and feckless fumblers (March)
- Bigger fish to try: Taste testing fish of gradually increasing size (April)
- Tangled up in you: macrame for couples (May)
Sunday Matinee Movies for Women’s History Month (2pm)
Jennifer’s Body (March 5th)
Marie Antoinette (March 12th)
White Material (March 19th)
The Old Guard (March 26th)
If you would like someone to let you know when a new edition of the East Nebraska Secret Commune Social Quarterly is available, click here and we can help you out.
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