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Fall 2024
Community Postings
From: Gwen
To: Asher
I know I've been beating this drum for a long time, but I'm serious. If you don't give me my scarf back before my birthday, I will piss in your birdhouse. Give! It! Back!
***
From: Maria
To: Jo Anne
Stop waiving at pigeons. They don't know what that means.
***
From: Akiva
To: Jackson
I know you are still mad at me, but I just want you to know that I am not going to apologize. You WERE yelling. And it WAS crazy of you to pretend you weren't. It's not even like you were yelling words. You were just going, "Aaaaaah aaaaaaaah aaaaah aaaaaaah aaah."
You apologize to ME!
***
From: David P.
To: Music Lovers Everywhere
Wanted: three trumpeters
For: music
Please be friends with each other!
I am afraid of talking to strangers.
***
From: Asher
To: Gwen
It's not a toy piano! It's an electric piano. There's a difference. If this were a toy, could I do this:
*excellent piano playing*
***
From: Mr. Bad
To: Mx. Sander’s Third Grade Class
From now on, call me Mr. Bad. Not because I'm known for being "bad," but because my father's name was Theodore Montgomery Bad and the respect owed to me as your new substitute teacher dictates that you will refer to me using a formal honorific and my last name.
***
From: Barry Billson
To: Anybody
For sale: three fish
Are dicks, but badasses
Names: Edward, Plato, Goofy
Lives in water EXCLUSIVELY
$25
***
From: EDGAR DAVIS
To: ANYONE AT ALL
I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO GET PEOPLE'S ATTENTION
CLASSES ON TUESDAYS @7
FOR MORE DETAILS, CHECK US OUT AT @IWILLTEACHYOUHOWTOGETPEOPLESATTENTION
***
From: Mia
To: The Media
Do you think that Ina Garten thinks Bobby Flay is sexy? What about twelve years ago?
***
From: Fireman Phil
To: Wealthy Nebraskans
Some fires burn forever and never go out. But that's because those fires haven't met me. I got 6 super soakers in my garage and I am down to put out small fires on the weekends for a nominal fee.
***
From: Richard
To: Kate
You. Me. A joint. Two coffee mugs of red wine. A digital copy Junun. Why not take a night off from trying to find your father's killer and take a bath with me?
To: Asher
I know I've been beating this drum for a long time, but I'm serious. If you don't give me my scarf back before my birthday, I will piss in your birdhouse. Give! It! Back!
***
From: Maria
To: Jo Anne
Stop waiving at pigeons. They don't know what that means.
***
From: Akiva
To: Jackson
I know you are still mad at me, but I just want you to know that I am not going to apologize. You WERE yelling. And it WAS crazy of you to pretend you weren't. It's not even like you were yelling words. You were just going, "Aaaaaah aaaaaaaah aaaaah aaaaaaah aaah."
You apologize to ME!
***
From: David P.
To: Music Lovers Everywhere
Wanted: three trumpeters
For: music
Please be friends with each other!
I am afraid of talking to strangers.
***
From: Asher
To: Gwen
It's not a toy piano! It's an electric piano. There's a difference. If this were a toy, could I do this:
*excellent piano playing*
***
From: Mr. Bad
To: Mx. Sander’s Third Grade Class
From now on, call me Mr. Bad. Not because I'm known for being "bad," but because my father's name was Theodore Montgomery Bad and the respect owed to me as your new substitute teacher dictates that you will refer to me using a formal honorific and my last name.
***
From: Barry Billson
To: Anybody
For sale: three fish
Are dicks, but badasses
Names: Edward, Plato, Goofy
Lives in water EXCLUSIVELY
$25
***
From: EDGAR DAVIS
To: ANYONE AT ALL
I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO GET PEOPLE'S ATTENTION
CLASSES ON TUESDAYS @7
FOR MORE DETAILS, CHECK US OUT AT @IWILLTEACHYOUHOWTOGETPEOPLESATTENTION
***
From: Mia
To: The Media
Do you think that Ina Garten thinks Bobby Flay is sexy? What about twelve years ago?
***
From: Fireman Phil
To: Wealthy Nebraskans
Some fires burn forever and never go out. But that's because those fires haven't met me. I got 6 super soakers in my garage and I am down to put out small fires on the weekends for a nominal fee.
***
From: Richard
To: Kate
You. Me. A joint. Two coffee mugs of red wine. A digital copy Junun. Why not take a night off from trying to find your father's killer and take a bath with me?
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