Regional News You Might Have Missed

News:
Bike trail is probably a safe distance from New skeet shooting range  (The Bellevue Weekly, Edgar Carson)

Governor forgets to dress in layers for unpredictable winter weather (The Des Moines Gazette, Edward Trainson)

New erotic put put course raises eyebrows...and a few other things (Kansas City Bar-B-News, Paul Plane-Oldman)

Local dog is either hungry, happy, concerned, scared, or bored. Whatever it is, he won’t shut up about it. (The Spearfish Canyoneer, Francis Wheeler-Fortune)

Correction: Local woman did say not her boyfriend was naughty in the bedroom; she said that his penis was “knotted” (Omaha has a Newspaper!, Jenn Jeopardy)


Editorials:
If my phone buzzes again and it's just an email from fucking NPR with a fucking news story I already fucking read that fucking morning, I'm going to throw my phone into the sea and become a Republican (Tulsa Post, Lesley M. Patient)

I drink coffee every morning. You think I'd be better at it by now. (Fargo Intelligence, Joe S. Hot)

How long can Casey's sell something called "breakfast pizza" before these clowns in Washington do something about it? (Peoria Post-Intelligence, KC Shell)

Don't ask to canoe. Ask mayoe. Whether you are able to oe is up to you. (Fremont Free Press, Kay Acker)

I try to add a little magic to everything I do, but my roommate is tired of finding cards in all our soup. (The Denver Omelet: Not afraid to break a few eggs to bring you a steaming hot plate of news, Anonymous)