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The Letters Quarter
(Winter 2024)
20 Wonderful Messages to Write Inside a Card
Fortune fair and fortune fine.
Will you be my Valentine?
I think I may, I think I might
Take you to boink-town tonight.
Happy birthday! I got you this flat, disgusting cake.
I know the card says get well soon, but feel free to take your time, asshole.
Thank you for your graduation gift. I can’t wait to use that twenty dollar bill once I get to college.
Baby
I
Really
Think
Heaven
Doesn’t deserve
Anyone as incredible as
You
(so promise me you’ll never die)
Did you know they make these things out of trees? Crazy.
Put this under your pillow or she'll steal all of your teeth.
Do you like me more than your husband? Close this card and say "Merry Christmas, we're so glad you could come to our little get together" if you like me more than your husband.
Place butter here
If I said you had a nice body, would you say, "Well thank goodness the magic isn't gone after four years of marriage. I love you more and more each day?”
Help, I'm trapped in a cliche and can't find my way out!
Have you seen Cache? I know it's your birthday and all, but once this hubbub dies down you really should see it.
I have a sexy surprise for you! (I brought my butt with me so you two can have some fun tonight)
Oh no, I couldn't think of anything better to say.
This is one of those seed papers. The way it works is that you cum on it and bury it in the backyard to grow a hunk tree. (That is a joke. Save that hot cum for tonight.)
Pretty cool card, huh?
I heard you had a child. DON'T EAT IT, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE STEAMED DOUGH! PLEASE, IT WILL BE A HUMAN LATER, I SWEAR!
If cars and nuts
Were bees and butts
We'd all have a Merry Christmas
But the skies go boom
And the rockets zoom
So have a depressing
Fourth of July **for dogs
I hope this Happy Grandparent's Day card shows that my joy for you is limitless, even if the selection in Target's card section isn't. Congratulations on getting top surgery!
I know that everyone in the office is signing your card, but I mean it too.
Will you be my Valentine?
I think I may, I think I might
Take you to boink-town tonight.
Happy birthday! I got you this flat, disgusting cake.
I know the card says get well soon, but feel free to take your time, asshole.
Thank you for your graduation gift. I can’t wait to use that twenty dollar bill once I get to college.
Baby
I
Really
Think
Heaven
Doesn’t deserve
Anyone as incredible as
You
(so promise me you’ll never die)
Did you know they make these things out of trees? Crazy.
Put this under your pillow or she'll steal all of your teeth.
Do you like me more than your husband? Close this card and say "Merry Christmas, we're so glad you could come to our little get together" if you like me more than your husband.
Place butter here
If I said you had a nice body, would you say, "Well thank goodness the magic isn't gone after four years of marriage. I love you more and more each day?”
Help, I'm trapped in a cliche and can't find my way out!
Have you seen Cache? I know it's your birthday and all, but once this hubbub dies down you really should see it.
I have a sexy surprise for you! (I brought my butt with me so you two can have some fun tonight)
Oh no, I couldn't think of anything better to say.
This is one of those seed papers. The way it works is that you cum on it and bury it in the backyard to grow a hunk tree. (That is a joke. Save that hot cum for tonight.)
Pretty cool card, huh?
I heard you had a child. DON'T EAT IT, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE STEAMED DOUGH! PLEASE, IT WILL BE A HUMAN LATER, I SWEAR!
If cars and nuts
Were bees and butts
We'd all have a Merry Christmas
But the skies go boom
And the rockets zoom
So have a depressing
Fourth of July **for dogs
I hope this Happy Grandparent's Day card shows that my joy for you is limitless, even if the selection in Target's card section isn't. Congratulations on getting top surgery!
I know that everyone in the office is signing your card, but I mean it too.
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