Regional News You Might Have Missed - Sampler

Underfunded School Rallies Together to Fight the Odds, Loses (Nodaway County Reader)

Turtle Dies, Goes Straight to Hell (Omaha Tribune)
 
Either Alliance High School is haunted or the students I see leaving are just actual children (The Alliance Fountain)
 
Local dog is either hungry, happy, concerned, scared, or bored. Whatever it is, he won’t shut up about it. (The Spearfish Canyoneer)
 
I drink coffee every morning. You think I'd be better at it by now. (Fargo Intelligence)

Governor finds new ways every year to suck shit (The Nebraska Weekly)
 
Debra Snabnitz was just an ordinary woman…until an arm started growing out of her mouth like some real fucking weirdo (Cheyenne Times)
 
Mayor says he is going as “A Mayor” for Halloween. Booooo! We hate it! (The West Nebraska Bugel)

Judge Fined for Using Work Gavel on Test Your Strength Machine (Lincoln Herald)

Horny Stepdaughter has a Lot More Non-Greg Options for Sex than Greg was Led to Believe (Topeka Times)
 
I’m so tired of all these lame "seasonal flavors." When is it gonna be fucking KitKat season?? (Omaha Times)

Shitty Governor Passes Shitty Bill to Get Press Coverage from Some Pieces of Shit (Utah News Stuff)
 
Damn, has this fucking weather been crazy or what? (The Lincoln Paper)
 
DUA LIPA IS IN THE BARBIE MOVIE! NEWS THIS GOOD IS LOCAL AND UNIVERSAL! THINK GLOBALLY, DUA LIPALLY! (The Doane Muckraker) 
 
Parents push school board; flex their rights to lie to children (Prairie Weekly)
 
Library sure has a lot of seasons of Wings considering that they don't have To the Lighthouse (Central Nebraska Herald)
 
SD teacher pay lags behind neighboring states; who were already setting the bar dangerously low, teacher-wage-wise, if we’re being honest (Rapid City News)
 
In all fairness, it could be worse. Like if we lived in a worse world where worse things happened. (The Lincoln Bugle)