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This Shouldn't
Have Happened
When Whitney announced that she was going to get a truck, Dillon made fun of her. Dillon said that it was silly to buy a truck. They said that they had always been able to borrow a truck when they needed one and all it ever cost them was a little gas money. And at that moment, Whitney knew that Dillon was going to borrow her truck all the time.
For a while, Whitney didn’t mind. The two were so inseparable that they were almost always riding together, anyway. And between moving, mudding, camping, biking, napping, fucking, errand-running, and parade float towing, the two shared some of their best memories in that truck.
Then Whitney and Dillon broke up.
Suddenly, Dillon started acting like the truck was half theirs. They even started saying that it was their idea to get it in the first place. When Whitney would remind them that she had made every payment on the truck, Dillon would start pulling out receipts for car washes and air fresheners and the new hitch they had bought when they were convinced they were going to be able to borrow Sarah’s camper for a few weeks the fall before. Whitney was alarmed to find that Dillon had kept all these receipts, some for purchases that were only a few dollars, but the mediator Dillon found online agreed with Whitney that these occasional expenses did not entitle Dillon to partial ownership. But laws are weak and worthless when compared to social pressure.
Whitney had helped Dillon move their stuff to storage, even though she thought the whole arrangement was a bad idea. [She was convinced that the two could share an apartment for the three months left on their lease, but Dillon wouldn’t consider it. They insisted on a self imposed exile on their friends' couches until they could find their own place. Of course, Whitney knew how sympathetic this made Dillon look. And of course, Whitney knew that Dillon was probably bad-mouthing her from every couch they borrowed around town. But Whitney also knew that there was nothing she could do. So, she tried not to think about it.] On that trip to the storage locker, Whitney told Dillon that this was the last time they were ever going to get to use her truck. She told them that maybe someday they would learn how to be friends, but that the truck was off the table forever.
Later, Whitney would realize her mistake. If she had said nothing, then Dillon would have asked to borrow her truck. And when they asked, Whitney could have told Dillon to fuck clean off. But instead, Beth asked for the truck. Beth said that she was helping a friend move and promised to have it back at a reasonable time. At first, Whitney was just relieved that she was not being asked to help Beth’s friend move. Since buying the truck, she had found that most people who wanted to borrow it also expected her to tag along on their errands.
But, something about Beth’s insistence that Whitney not tag along bothered her. She just couldn’t get it out of her head. Ever since breaking up with Dillon, Whitney had been feeling conspiratorial. She blamed Dillon. She had reason to. Dillon had been cheating on Whitney for two months before she found out. They had been seeing some guy who made high quality aprons for woodworkers and wealthy home cooks. While Whitney had seen some of the signs, it wasn’t until she saw his handmade leather bag in the passenger seat of her truck that she truly understood what she had been seeing.
So, Whitney ran the whole thing by her best friend Maria. Before she could even finish the story, she could see from Maria’s face that something was wrong. “I heard that Dillon is moving this Saturday. What are the odds that that is why Beth needs your truck?”
Whitney didn’t want to ask Beth about her suspicions. If it was true, she didn’t want to get in a fight. And if it wasn’t true, she didn’t want to look like she was spending all her time worrying about her ex. So, she told Beth she needed to leave town on a family emergency and offered her thirty bucks to rent a U-Haul van.
But after Whitney weaseled out of her deal with Beth, other friends started asking. Maria knew one of Dillon’s new roommates and confirmed that they had already moved in. They used a U-Haul van like Whitney recommended. So why did Dillon still need her truck?
Whitney decided not to let anyone else drive the truck. If someone needed to borrow it, they needed her to drive it. And once Whitney told people this new rule, they suddenly remembered some reason they didn’t need the truck anymore. Whitney took down the names of these false friends and kept them on a list she titled “Snakes.” The secrets and the scheming started to wear Whitney down, though it didn’t bother her half as much as what came next.
The same snakes who lied to Whitney about borrowing her truck now started complaining that they were tired of having to act as liaisons between her and Dillon. When Devon first made this complaint to Whitney, she almost screamed. No one needed to carry messages between them. All she wanted was for Dillon to leave her alone. But after hearing an almost identical complaint from Casper, Al, and Ashley, she knew that this was not happening organically.
So Whitney formed a new plan. She would stop saying no and start saying, “Yes, but…” Yes, Dillon can borrow my truck. But, if they wreck it you have to let me use your car until it is fixed. Yes, Dillon can borrow my truck. But then you better be willing to let me borrow your family’s lake house this summer. Yes, Dillon can borrow my truck. But you really should start inviting me to go out dancing again.
Most friends told Whitney they would follow up with her later. Once they had skin in the game, these folks became a lot less confident. But eventually, she found someone willing to stick their neck out for Dillon. Beth, of all people, agreed that Whitney could borrow her foldable canoe for a week and promised to cover any damage Dillon might cause.
Whitney made sure everybody knew. In fact, she sent an email to everyone who had liaised between her and Dillon. The email included all the details of the agreement and the explicit threat that if Dillon broke this agreement in any way, everyone had to stop bugging her. She tried her best to outline the coordinated lobbying effort she had experienced in the past few weeks without actually accusing anyone of anything, ending the email by saying:
“I appreciate that you are all motivated by care for Dillon. Believe it or not, I still care about them as well. Though I think it is entirely reasonable to establish boundaries with people you care about, I have heard from all of you that you disagree with the way in which I have drawn this specific boundary regarding MMMYYYYYYYYY truck. And it is this very community of caring people that gives me the confidence I need to lend Dillon my truck. Because if you are willing to go so far to ensure your friend Dillon can borrow someone else’s truck, surely you will also use that same energy in ensuring that your friend Whitney’s truck is treated with respect. To act differently shows that you are not actually my friend. But since I know you all are my friends, I know that you will support me.”
Whitney knew that she was starting to sound unhinged, but she couldn’t stop herself.
Unsurprisingly, at the agreed upon time on the agreed upon day, Dillon did not return with the truck. By 5pm, Whitney tried calling. No response. No email. No text. By 5:30, Whitney responded to her own email blast letting everyone know that Dillon had broken the agreement and wasn’t taking her calls. A couple people responded to express moderated sympathy or encourage Whitney to be patient, but no one offered any actual help. By 6pm, Whitney was losing it.
Then, Dillon responded in the email thread. But the message did not offer any explanation or apology. It was just a link to an hour-long video-essay. Some friends replied asking Dillon to let them know what was going on. Beth, potentially concerned that she would end up on the hook for Dillon’s impropriety, started sending angrily worded emails asking Dillon to start acting like an adult. By 7pm, the email thread went cold.
Should Whitney:
For a while, Whitney didn’t mind. The two were so inseparable that they were almost always riding together, anyway. And between moving, mudding, camping, biking, napping, fucking, errand-running, and parade float towing, the two shared some of their best memories in that truck.
Then Whitney and Dillon broke up.
Suddenly, Dillon started acting like the truck was half theirs. They even started saying that it was their idea to get it in the first place. When Whitney would remind them that she had made every payment on the truck, Dillon would start pulling out receipts for car washes and air fresheners and the new hitch they had bought when they were convinced they were going to be able to borrow Sarah’s camper for a few weeks the fall before. Whitney was alarmed to find that Dillon had kept all these receipts, some for purchases that were only a few dollars, but the mediator Dillon found online agreed with Whitney that these occasional expenses did not entitle Dillon to partial ownership. But laws are weak and worthless when compared to social pressure.
Whitney had helped Dillon move their stuff to storage, even though she thought the whole arrangement was a bad idea. [She was convinced that the two could share an apartment for the three months left on their lease, but Dillon wouldn’t consider it. They insisted on a self imposed exile on their friends' couches until they could find their own place. Of course, Whitney knew how sympathetic this made Dillon look. And of course, Whitney knew that Dillon was probably bad-mouthing her from every couch they borrowed around town. But Whitney also knew that there was nothing she could do. So, she tried not to think about it.] On that trip to the storage locker, Whitney told Dillon that this was the last time they were ever going to get to use her truck. She told them that maybe someday they would learn how to be friends, but that the truck was off the table forever.
Later, Whitney would realize her mistake. If she had said nothing, then Dillon would have asked to borrow her truck. And when they asked, Whitney could have told Dillon to fuck clean off. But instead, Beth asked for the truck. Beth said that she was helping a friend move and promised to have it back at a reasonable time. At first, Whitney was just relieved that she was not being asked to help Beth’s friend move. Since buying the truck, she had found that most people who wanted to borrow it also expected her to tag along on their errands.
But, something about Beth’s insistence that Whitney not tag along bothered her. She just couldn’t get it out of her head. Ever since breaking up with Dillon, Whitney had been feeling conspiratorial. She blamed Dillon. She had reason to. Dillon had been cheating on Whitney for two months before she found out. They had been seeing some guy who made high quality aprons for woodworkers and wealthy home cooks. While Whitney had seen some of the signs, it wasn’t until she saw his handmade leather bag in the passenger seat of her truck that she truly understood what she had been seeing.
So, Whitney ran the whole thing by her best friend Maria. Before she could even finish the story, she could see from Maria’s face that something was wrong. “I heard that Dillon is moving this Saturday. What are the odds that that is why Beth needs your truck?”
Whitney didn’t want to ask Beth about her suspicions. If it was true, she didn’t want to get in a fight. And if it wasn’t true, she didn’t want to look like she was spending all her time worrying about her ex. So, she told Beth she needed to leave town on a family emergency and offered her thirty bucks to rent a U-Haul van.
But after Whitney weaseled out of her deal with Beth, other friends started asking. Maria knew one of Dillon’s new roommates and confirmed that they had already moved in. They used a U-Haul van like Whitney recommended. So why did Dillon still need her truck?
Whitney decided not to let anyone else drive the truck. If someone needed to borrow it, they needed her to drive it. And once Whitney told people this new rule, they suddenly remembered some reason they didn’t need the truck anymore. Whitney took down the names of these false friends and kept them on a list she titled “Snakes.” The secrets and the scheming started to wear Whitney down, though it didn’t bother her half as much as what came next.
The same snakes who lied to Whitney about borrowing her truck now started complaining that they were tired of having to act as liaisons between her and Dillon. When Devon first made this complaint to Whitney, she almost screamed. No one needed to carry messages between them. All she wanted was for Dillon to leave her alone. But after hearing an almost identical complaint from Casper, Al, and Ashley, she knew that this was not happening organically.
So Whitney formed a new plan. She would stop saying no and start saying, “Yes, but…” Yes, Dillon can borrow my truck. But, if they wreck it you have to let me use your car until it is fixed. Yes, Dillon can borrow my truck. But then you better be willing to let me borrow your family’s lake house this summer. Yes, Dillon can borrow my truck. But you really should start inviting me to go out dancing again.
Most friends told Whitney they would follow up with her later. Once they had skin in the game, these folks became a lot less confident. But eventually, she found someone willing to stick their neck out for Dillon. Beth, of all people, agreed that Whitney could borrow her foldable canoe for a week and promised to cover any damage Dillon might cause.
Whitney made sure everybody knew. In fact, she sent an email to everyone who had liaised between her and Dillon. The email included all the details of the agreement and the explicit threat that if Dillon broke this agreement in any way, everyone had to stop bugging her. She tried her best to outline the coordinated lobbying effort she had experienced in the past few weeks without actually accusing anyone of anything, ending the email by saying:
“I appreciate that you are all motivated by care for Dillon. Believe it or not, I still care about them as well. Though I think it is entirely reasonable to establish boundaries with people you care about, I have heard from all of you that you disagree with the way in which I have drawn this specific boundary regarding MMMYYYYYYYYY truck. And it is this very community of caring people that gives me the confidence I need to lend Dillon my truck. Because if you are willing to go so far to ensure your friend Dillon can borrow someone else’s truck, surely you will also use that same energy in ensuring that your friend Whitney’s truck is treated with respect. To act differently shows that you are not actually my friend. But since I know you all are my friends, I know that you will support me.”
Whitney knew that she was starting to sound unhinged, but she couldn’t stop herself.
Unsurprisingly, at the agreed upon time on the agreed upon day, Dillon did not return with the truck. By 5pm, Whitney tried calling. No response. No email. No text. By 5:30, Whitney responded to her own email blast letting everyone know that Dillon had broken the agreement and wasn’t taking her calls. A couple people responded to express moderated sympathy or encourage Whitney to be patient, but no one offered any actual help. By 6pm, Whitney was losing it.
Then, Dillon responded in the email thread. But the message did not offer any explanation or apology. It was just a link to an hour-long video-essay. Some friends replied asking Dillon to let them know what was going on. Beth, potentially concerned that she would end up on the hook for Dillon’s impropriety, started sending angrily worded emails asking Dillon to start acting like an adult. By 7pm, the email thread went cold.
Should Whitney:
- Start calling their friends to see if anyone is with Dillon
- Use Find My Friends to figure out where Dillon is
- Watch the YouTube video
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